{"id":22664,"date":"2026-05-11T11:03:38","date_gmt":"2026-05-11T11:03:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/2026\/05\/11\/how-leaders-can-move-past-personal-obstacles\/"},"modified":"2026-05-11T11:03:38","modified_gmt":"2026-05-11T11:03:38","slug":"how-leaders-can-move-past-personal-obstacles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/2026\/05\/11\/how-leaders-can-move-past-personal-obstacles\/","title":{"rendered":"\ufeffHow Leaders Can Move Past Personal Obstacles"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Brian Stauffer\/theispot.com<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>\n

Imagine you\u2019re Gabrielle<\/span>, a senior leader at a fast-growing tech company. Two of your top performers are also your biggest headaches, and they\u2019re making everyone miserable \u2014 most of all, you.<\/p>\n

One is technically brilliant but undermines colleagues\u2019 ideas with sly sarcasm and strategic inaction. The other is a creative powerhouse but belittles junior teammates with open disdain. Managing these two \u201cbrilliant jerks\u201d is hard enough on its own. But even worse is their bitter rivalry, which is poisoning the team. You\u2019ve tried coaching, feedback, and even professional mediation, but nothing has worked. Morale is plummeting and so are your chances of hitting this year\u2019s goals.<\/p>\n

You feel stuck. One part of you \u2014 the people pleaser \u2014 wants to preserve harmony and make sure everyone feels respected and included. It dislikes conflict and avoids confrontation. Another part \u2014 the performance driver \u2014 demands results and wants to make good on the promises you\u2019ve made to your boss and your customers. It knows that if you don\u2019t fix this problem now, everything you\u2019ve worked for is at risk.<\/p>\n

These competing internal voices are stuck in an exhausting stalemate, and they\u2019re blocking you from taking action. What\u2019s happening here is not just a tough management call. It\u2019s a conflict between different parts of yourself, each with its own voice, agenda, and intentions.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

Human Development and the Multiple Mind, in Brief<\/h3>\n

The poet Walt Whitman famously wrote, \u201cDo I contradict myself? \/ Very well then I contradict myself, \/ (I am large, I contain multitudes.).\u201d He recognized that our minds are not monolithic but composed of multiple, interdependent parts that operate in a dynamic relationship. Just as our bodies function as complex living systems with many organs playing a role in keeping us healthy and adaptive, our minds are composed of conscious and unconscious parts that function in a dynamic relationship with one another. (For the purposes of this article, we use the term mind<\/em>, or psyche<\/em>, to refer to the totality of all our conscious and unconscious processes \u2014 including perceiving, thinking, feeling, remembering, imagining, motivating, and willing ourselves to action.)<\/p>\n

The idea of a \u201cmultiple mind\u201d has long shaped modern psychology. Sigmund Freud theorized the psyche as comprising the id, ego, and superego; Carl Jung, one of his students, later widened the theory of the psyche to include a personal unconscious that holds forgotten memories and lived experience, and beneath it a collective unconscious \u2014 a deep, shared reservoir of archetypes and symbols that surface in myths, dreams, and stories across cultures. He introduced the idea of a persona<\/em>, the social mask shaped to fit expectations, and the shadow<\/em>, where we exile disowned qualities that continue to inform our thoughts and actions, often without our awareness.<\/p>\n

At the center of Jung\u2019s model is what he termed the self<\/em>, the central organizing energy of the psyche, which drives the lifelong process of psychological growth. This developmental process, which Jung termed individuation<\/em>, involves integrating the psyche\u2019s layers into a unified, harmonious, and flexible whole. Much of that work, in turn, involves locating and retrieving what Jungian analyst and author Robert A. Johnson calls \u201cthe gold in the shadow\u201d within our personal histories and our shared human experience.<\/p>\n

Insights from psychotherapy have profoundly influenced how we think about leadership and organizational culture. Emotional intelligence and psychological safety both began as clinical concepts before psychologist Daniel Goleman and Harvard professor Amy Edmondson, respectively, put them on the map as essential to leadership. The idea that the mind as comprising multiple parts with an integrative self at the center is not uncommon in management and leadership theory. MIT Sloan\u2019s Deborah Ancona and leadership expert and executive coach Dennis Perkins have shown that \u201cghosts\u201d from past childhood experiences influence how executives lead.1<\/a> (Ancona\u2019s book on \u201cfamily ghosts\u201d at work will be published next year.) London Business School professor Herminia Ibarra writes in her book Working Identity<\/cite> that \u201cwe are not one true self but many selves and that those identities exist not only in the past and present but also, and most importantly, in the future.\u201d<\/p>\n

One of us (Kate) teaches leadership courses at MIT Sloan that cover \u201cmultiple selves\u201d in relationship to the core self. She uses many of the tools described herein to help students and executives bring unconscious patterns and habits into conscious awareness, where they can take charge of their present behaviors and future development as leaders.<\/p>\n

The Internal Family Systems Methodology<\/h3>\n

Originally developed in the 1980s as a clinical therapy model by one of us (Richard), Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers leaders a simple framework for accessing and working with their inner parts to achieve greater functionality and flourishing, personally and professionally. The IFS approach draws on the long arc of psychological theory outlined above. In response to IFS\u2019s growing popularity among licensed therapists, some members of the psychotherapy community are calling for more evidence to support the safety and efficacy of the approach. A 2025 scoping review of 27 studies on IFS concluded that it\u2019s a promising therapeutic model for addressing chronic pain, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder, and for cultivating self-compassion and self-forgiveness.2<\/a><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve used IFS methods successfully to help senior executives and startup founders manage inner conflicts that undermine their decision-making. In each case, IFS helped them find clarity amid a complex internal landscape of competing voices, each carrying its own wisdom and warnings. Applying a few core IFS principles can help individuals gain clarity on their purpose and priorities, and to stay grounded under pressure.<\/p>\n

IFS works with an inner family of parts that sometimes cooperate and sometimes clash. Its classification of parts into exiles<\/em>, managers<\/em>, and firefighters<\/em> has parallels with Freud\u2019s and Jung\u2019s models. Like Jungian psychology, IFS incorporates the body directly into the process of therapeutic inquiry, embracing what neuroscientist Antonio Damasio has called the \u201cfelt experience\u201d of being alive. The six-step IFS process described below illustrates how this works.<\/p>\n

Richard holds that our inner parts function as distinct subpersonalities, influencing how we think, feel, and act. One part may want to avoid conflict, another may want to push hard for results, and another may prefer to simply escape. Leaders often experience this as inner tugs-of-war \u2014 such as Gabrielle\u2019s people pleaser versus her performance driver. Recognizing that we all have these parts and that they often disagree is the first step toward deeper self-understanding in leadership.<\/p>\n

Perhaps the most important principle behind IFS is the idea that all parts are trying to help<\/em> us \u2014 even the ones whose behaviors we dislike. No part is inherently \u201cbad.\u201d A perfectionistic part may drive us to work long hours, a critical part may lash out to protect us, or a conflict-avoiding part may shut us down before our nervous systems get overwhelmed. Even when a part of us behaves in unhelpful or extreme ways, it\u2019s doing its best with the tools it has.<\/p>\n

This perspective can feel counterintuitive or even controversial. What about destructive parts \u2014 an angry impulse that erupts in rage, or a cynical inner voice that sabotages collaboration? IFS suggests that these parts are trying to serve a purpose \u2014 whether protecting against perceived threats, fulfilling old survival vows, or motivating us through fear. The behavior may be unhelpful, but the underlying drive is not malicious. Based on decades of clinical experience, Richard has found that once these parts are truly heard, appreciated, and relieved of their burdens, they can completely transform. Inner critics can become wise advisers, workaholics can turn intowor reasonable motivators, and rageful parts can set healthy boundaries.<\/p>\n

Leaders don\u2019t have to (and should not) indulge in every impulse that arises from within, but they can learn to listen and respect their parts\u2019 underlying positive intentions. A common adage in IFS is \u201cAll parts are welcome; all behaviors are not.\u201d We must be able to draw firm boundaries around harmful behaviors while continuing to explore our underlying motivations.<\/p>\n

For leaders, this insight is powerful. By shifting from judgment to curiosity about their own inner voices, they not only reduce inner conflict but also build the muscle to extend that same compassion and discernment outward \u2014 to colleagues, teams, and organizations.<\/p>\n

The Crucial Role of the Self<\/h3>\n

Like Jung\u2019s theory of mind, IFS contains the idea of a core organizing force in the psyche called the self. The self is like an orchestra conductor \u2014 a calm and centered presence guiding our parts to work together harmoniously and developing each one\u2019s potential so that together they can express the best of who we are.<\/p>\n

A vivid example comes from Renee Zaugg, who has held executive roles at Aetna and CVS Health and served as vice president and CIO at Otis. Zaugg was in her late 20s when she worked in \ufeffAetna data centers as a junior computer operator, usually covering uneventful Sunday shifts and monitoring changes made by vendors.<\/p>\n

But one Sunday, everything changed. The entire data center ground to a halt when a vendor accidentally hit the emergency power-off switch. Unable to reach a manager, Zaugg realized that she would have to lead \u2014 and as a junior staffer and the only woman present in what was then a male-dominated work culture, she had to summon courage. \u201cI climbed up on a table (since I was small and needed to command attention), and I started directing everyone to take specific responsibilities,\u201d she said. \u201cOne person kept calling higher-ups, others were assigned to restart the systems, and everyone was told to report back to me every 30 minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

That decisive moment put Zaugg on the map at Aetna. Looking back, she realized that what allowed her to step up wasn\u2019t just quick thinking \u2014 it was her ability to center herself first. In IFS terms, she accessed self-energy: a calm, clear presence that allowed her to see the whole system and act from strength. That moment revealed her intuitive gift for reading people, not just through words but through eye contact, body language, and subtle cues. That awareness shaped how she led from then on, guiding her career in ways she never expected and propelling her to C-suite roles and board leadership despite her lack of a college degree.<\/p>\n

IFS describes self-led leadership as having eight recognizable qualities (known as the 8\u00a0C\u2019s): compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calmness, confidence, courage, and connectedness. When these qualities are present, it signals that a person is leading from the self, not from a reactive part. In high-pressure moments, a leader grounded in self can hold contradictory evidence or objectives, resist panic, and take decisive action rather than being directed by anxious or controlling parts.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

A Guide to Using IFS in Leadership<\/h3>\n

Understanding the three core IFS principles \u2014 that our minds comprise multiple parts, that no parts are bad, and that we can develop access to our wiser self to guide them \u2014 gives leaders a new perspective on their inner conflicts. It provides a starting point for learning from their parts and responding to challenges with steadier action.<\/p>\n

To put these principles into practice, IFS practitioners guide individuals through a process to identify the parts of themselves that are active in each situation, approach them with curiosity and compassion, and help shift them into healthier roles. This process unfolds in two stages: first, becoming aware of the part; and, second, forming a new relationship with the part. We\u2019ll look at both stages and walk through the three steps involved in each one.<\/p>\n

Stage 1: Becoming aware of the part.<\/strong> The first stage of the IFS process is simple: becoming aware of the parts within our multipart mind and moving them from our unconscious into conscious awareness. Instead of being unconsciously controlled by a part \u2014 or identifying so fully with it that we think, \u201cThis is me\u201d \u2014 we step back and notice it. Awareness creates space to observe, engage, and ultimately choose how we want to respond.<\/p>\n

Developmental psychologist Robert Kegan has described a similar shift: moving from a state where our parts seem like who we are, and unconsciously driving our behavior outside of our awareness, to a conscious state where we can see and understand them (without being overtaken by them). From there, we can help them take on more productive roles within our inner system.<\/p>\n

This stage involves finding the reactive part, which means locating it, naming it, and noticing how it feels in the body. What sensations does it create? What emotions does it evoke? How does it respond when you put your attention on it? IFS emphasizes this kind of body awareness as a vital entry point because the body senses and transmits information to the brain in a bidirectional communication system. When we access this often-neglected somatic intelligence, we gain a richer source of insights about our thoughts, emotions, and motivations that can help guide our developmental journeys.<\/p>\n

While this idea may sound far-fetched, it has gained mainstream acceptance, with research exploding in the study of what is called interoception<\/em>, or how the body-brain system senses and adjusts our internal states. Scientists including Damasio, Stephen Liberles, Wen G. Chen, A.D. (Bud) Craig, and Nobel Prize winner Ardem Patapoutian are exploring this domain.<\/p>\n

In leadership settings, common parts that emerge include controllers, diplomats, busy doers, planners, analyzers, caregivers, people pleasers, caretakers, critics, and organizers. At their best, these parts help leaders function effectively. But when they take on extreme roles, they can morph into perfectionists, workaholics, authoritarians, stuck opposers, procrastinators, avoiders, obsessives, or conflict avoiders.<\/p>\n

The work of gaining awareness of such parts naturally begins with Step 1, finding them. Daniel, a professional man whom Kate coached, was struggling to choose among several different work opportunities. As he discussed his dilemma, Kate noticed that two distinct parts of him seemed to be speaking, and she asked whether those parts had names. Daniel said yes \u2014 and decided to call them the Idealist and the Entrepreneur. They had been in a quiet tug-of-war for much of his life, and now they were keeping him stuck.<\/p>\n

When being guided through an IFS session, most people can easily recognize the different voices or impulses inside themselves. It\u2019s something we all do naturally when we say, \u201cPart of me wants this, but another feels unsure.\u201d<\/p>\n

Step 2, focusing on the part, recognizes that parts are embodied. This means that they are represented in the body and often connect to somatic (embodied) feelings that become useful sources of data and intelligence to help people make sense of their experiences. Following the somatic arc of the IFS method, Kate asked Daniel whether he could find these two parts in or around his body. Then she asked him to follow Step 3 and flesh them out.<\/p>\n

Daniel\u2019s Idealist came forward first: It was in his heart region, he suggested, and full of energy. \u201cI like it,\u201d Daniel said. \u201cAnd I like what it triggers in other people. It feels good inside me.\u201d This part was animated by purpose and the desire to inspire. It brought him a lightness, a hope, and a clear sense of meaning.<\/p>\n

But when they turned toward the Entrepreneur, the energy shifted. Daniel felt that part as a heavy weight in his shoulders and back. He spoke of scars, of scarcity, and of memories shaped by his father, who had been an entrepreneur too. It was a feast-or-famine existence. When things went well financially, there was abundance around him, but in hard times, the financial flow dried up \u2014 and, eventually, heartbreak and trauma followed. \u201cYou have to be careful,\u201d the Entrepreneur warned. \u201cYou have to be cautious.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stage 2: Forming a new relationship with the part.<\/strong> Early in his career, Richard found that when he judged, suppressed, or tried to overpower his clients\u2019 inner parts, the parts would resist and reemerge \u2014 often stronger than before. The same is true for many of us: When we battle an inner voice, it tends to leak out somewhere else in our life, often returning with greater force. The alternative is counterintuitive but powerful: Rather than fighting against a part, we can get curious about its story. This curiosity creates the conditions for transformation, allowing the part to step into a healthier role that fits the present. Remember: There are no bad parts.<\/p>\n

The key question to ask at Step 4 is \u201cHow do I feel toward this part?\u201d If the answer includes qualities like curiosity, compassion, calmness, or even gratitude, it signals that you are relating from the core of your self. That mindset opens the door to understanding the part more fully. This is the third principle of IFS, and its ultimate goal: to access that central self, enable it to start relating to the inner system of parts, and step into a leadership role like a proactive orchestra conductor who creates coordinated internal harmony.<\/p>\n

But sometimes it isn\u2019t easy. Many people feel angry, afraid, or judgmental toward certain parts when they show up. Kate recalls getting in touch with her own inner perfectionist; when her therapist asked how she felt about the part, she blurted out, \u201cI hate it! It\u2019s driving me crazy. I want to get rid of it!\u201d That reaction was itself another part speaking: a frustrated, protective voice that needed acknowledgment before she could relate to the perfectionist with genuine curiosity.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

The same dynamic appeared in Daniel\u2019s coaching session with Kate. He felt warmly towards his Idealist part, eager to explore its sense of hope and meaning. But when he turned toward\ufeff the Entrepreneur, Daniel hesitated. He resented its warning messages, which he felt held him back and interfered with his ability to sustain a positive, ambitious vision for his future vocation. However, he decided to take Kate\u2019s suggestion to get to know that part a little better and hear its fears and stories. (It\u2019s important that individuals, not outside helpers, set the pace and depth of their inner journey.)<\/p>\n

If Daniel had resisted, Kate would have gently encouraged him to explore the parts that were resistant and hear their fears and their stories. The IFS process isn\u2019t about pushing people where the therapist or coach thinks they should go but instead listening closely and supporting the client\u2019s inner exploration at the pace, depth, and timing that they ultimately govern. If ever people get stuck or confused, a simple question can often unlock the situation: \u201cJust ask inside<\/em>.\u201d People have wisdom about their own inner system that sometimes needs only a gentle invitation to emerge.<\/p>\n

Step 5, befriending, means hearing the parts\u2019 full stories, offering them appreciation for the role they have played, and asking what support they need. For example, you might ask a perfectionist part why it\u2019s so afraid of making mistakes. It might reveal a memory of being humiliated in grade school for not paying attention, or answering questions incorrectly. Over the years, this part may have worked tirelessly to protect you from failure, helping you to look competent so you could keep your job. It may not want to give up its job in your inner system, fearing that delegating or relaxing its vigilance will lead to disaster. Reassuring the part that you aren\u2019t trying to eliminate it but rather to help it find a more productive role that it likes even better can ease its concerns.<\/p>\n

In Daniel\u2019s session, he connected with each of his parts to hear more of their stories and then moved to Step 6 to hear their fears and how they wanted to help guide his future choices. In so doing, something new came forward: a new vision that blended the best of both of them.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

The Idealist was afraid it might not be able to have a voice if it were squashed by financial worries. It wanted to guide Daniel to pay attention to exciting new opportunities that aligned with his deepest purpose. The Entrepreneur feared financial catastrophe. It wanted to keep him focused on his current work as he explored new opportunities to create a stable financial future for his family. By the end of the session, Daniel had a clear sense of an opportunity he wanted to pursue that honored both inspiration and pragmatism. His session was a demonstration of what can happen when the core self of a person\u2019s psyche can relate to subparts of the psyche with compassion and curiosity and integrate those voices. This is how we make space for the wise and intuitive self that can guide us forward. At this stage in the process, many people begin to spontaneously see new ways to relate their inner parts. Sometimes, though, parts carry long-held burdens from the past that block the individual\u2019s access to insight and forward movement in their lives.3<\/a> Those circumstances may require deeper work that should be guided by a trained therapist. We would always advise consulting with a licensed mental health professional in cases where an individual\u2019s safety is at risk or there is complex trauma, mental or physical instability, or illness that needs professional attention.<\/p>\n

That said, while we\u2019ve recounted some facilitated engagements with IFS here, many individuals don\u2019t need a therapist to work with IFS ideas. Much of the value of IFS can be gained by employing its three core principles: recognizing that we have many parts operating inside us, that there are no bad parts, and that we can readily gain access to the wise self at the center of our psyche.4<\/a> The bottom line of IFS or any therapeutic model is that we should each approach our inner world not with judgment but with curiosity and compassion. And if self-compassion isn\u2019t available at first, start with curiosity. Pull on that thread and see where it leads you.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

IFS offers a simple, easily accessible framework that can guide us in getting to know our inner worlds and establishing a more coherent relationship among our multiple inner voices. This can enable us to lead more consciously so that we can create the impact we intend. By accessing our core self \u2014 the central organizing energy of the psyche \u2014 we create trust with our parts, release them from outdated roles, and unlock the wisdom they hold. For leaders, this means responding to challenges with greater clarity, steadiness, and compassion. It means creating the conditions where both they and those they lead can thrive.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Brian Stauffer\/theispot.com Imagine you\u2019re Gabrielle, a senior leader at a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[194],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22664","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-graphic-design"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22664","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22664"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22664\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22664"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22664"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ideainthebox.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22664"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}